Knowing Your Worth: Understanding & Improving Self-Esteem
Author: Destany Filicetti
As humans, we are blessed with the unique ability to feel a wide variety of emotions. Every experience we have in life triggers a different emotional response that has lasting effects.
Our experiences in life therefore, shape who we are and how we react in subsequent situations. More importantly, the emotions derived from these experiences can affect our view on ourselves. Experiencing a considerable amount of negative situations can have adverse effects on our self-esteem.
What is Self-Esteem
Self-esteem often gets confused with confidence. Though they are closely related, they are not the same. Self-esteem is your emotionally perceived value of yourself or “self-worth” while confidence is your “trust” in your abilities and judgements.
Self-esteem plays a large role in our feelings of happiness and success. Self-esteem can contribute to productive or destructive behaviours which ultimately determine the outcomes of our lives.
As such an important factor in our behaviour, it is very easy and very common to have low self-esteem.
Why It’s Easy to Develop Low Self-Esteem
Our brains hold on to memories that have affected us negatively in order to prepare us in the event that it were to occur a second time.
Negative experiences have a greater hold in our brains than positive ones. For example, it is easier to remember an embarrassing childhood memory like falling in front of the entire student body as opposed to a positive one like achieving the highest grade in the class. Studies have also shown that, on average, it would take five positive interactions to overcome one negative one. While negative experiences have a stronger impact, it can in turn affect our self-esteem greatly, leading towards a downward spiral that can be easy to fall into.
Identifying Your Level of Self-Esteem
The perceived self-worth that you have developed stems from a combination of childhood experiences, beliefs, body image, social status, and trauma all of which can be difficult to overcome or change. Although these events are deeply rooted, before you can improve your self-esteem, it is important to understand the characteristics of high and low self-esteem to determine where you are.
Individuals with high self-esteem tend to:
Live in the present
Display confidence with making decisions
Have firm beliefs and are comfortable defending them
Take care of themselves
Create and maintain strong healthy relationships
Individuals with low self-esteem:
Are sensitive to criticism
People please
Withdraw or avoid social situations
Engage in self-destructive habits
Are indecisive/ demonstrate perfectionist tendencies
Once you understand your starting point when it comes to self-esteem, you can identify areas that need your attention in order to start building your self-esteem.
Improving Your Self-Esteem
Self-esteem can be challenging to overcome but it is possible with support, a positive outlook, and a willingness to change. Here are five ways to improve your self-esteem.
1. Identify and Challenge Your Negative Beliefs
Every encounter is a learning experience, try not to dwell on the negatives and focus on the positives! Thinking positively will improve your internal dialogue and help in the growth process.
2. Set Achievable Goals
Be reasonable with the goals you set. Unreasonable goal setting will end up leaving you feeling discouraged when you are unable to achieve them. When you set achievable goals, it will be easier to follow through with your plan and stay motivated throughout the process.
3. Be Kind To Yourself
Understand that things take time! Being very critical of yourself can inhibit the process of building self-esteem, and reinforce negative beliefs. Acknowledge your achievements whether big or small and give yourself a treat.
4. Avoid Comparison
Comparing yourself to others reinforces negative beliefs because you might be judging yourself unfairly. When you benchmark your progress against the success of others it can make you feel like a failure. Everyone is at different stages in their lives and this should not be a starting ground for you. Find your own path and build your empire at your own pace.
5. Exercise & Practice Healthy Habits
Engaging in physical activity has been proven to improve both mental health and self-esteem. Exercise makes you feel better, and as you engage in activities that promote physical health it can lead to enhanced self-worth. Healthy habits provide a sense of accomplishment and contribute to a more positive outlook.
6. Build Healthy Relationships
The people you surround yourself with have a large impact on your self-esteem. Toxic or negative relationships tend to encourage low self-esteem by reducing your self-worth over time with constant exposure to negative attitudes and perspectives. Healthy relationships on the other hand, encourage you to grow and increase your sense of self-worth. To do your part in building healthy relationships, learn to accept differences, be open to criticism, and be empathetic. Find people who do the same for you and also inspire positive change.
Improving self-esteem can be a long process, so don’t expect to see a complete transformation overnight.
Most importantly, if you can identify the experiences that created the negative emotions tied to your self-worth, you can begin your journey to increasing your self-esteem. Focus on the positive aspects of every situation, work towards small daily improvements and remember that nobody is perfect.
To learn more personal growth tips, click here for more information.
