Self-Awareness and How to Cultivate It
By: Destany Filicetti
Since childhood we have been encouraged through socialization to suppress our emotions. You might have been told “crying shows weakness” or “big girls and boys don’t cry” or maybe “stop being so emotional”. The importance of developing an understanding of your emotions is often overlooked because they are perceived to be a hindrance or a burden. This outlook may seem desirable in terms of avoiding certain emotional responses to difficult situations, but it creates a disconnect from a complete understanding of yourself. By reflecting on your behaviours and emotional responses you are creating an objective evaluation of yourself, allowing you to become more self aware.
What is Self-Awareness
Self-awareness is your ability to recognize and reflect on your emotions or behaviours and determine if they align with your internal standards. In other words it is the ability to look at yourself objectively through introspection.
Types of Self-Awareness
There are two types of self-awareness which are public self-awareness and private self-awareness. Each type of awareness occurs at different moments of realization but nonetheless are still present.
Public Self-Awareness
Public self-awareness is how you are viewed by others. It emerges in situations when public attention is directed towards you. For example, conversing with a group of people or giving a presentation.
When it comes to your public self-awareness, you must consider the fact that as humans we are prone to conforming to social norms and therefore you may find yourself adjusting your behaviour to that which is appropriate for the situation. For example: when in a classroom setting, students know to raise their hands to get the teacher's attention. Students follow this norm in order to show respect for the teacher and to avoid unwanted attention.
Though this type of awareness is concerned with how you are viewed by others, it can lead to evaluation anxiety in which you are overly concerned with others’ perceptions of you.
The key to public self-awareness is understanding the type of person you portray in public and why. With this information, you can become more conscious of your behaviours, thoughts and emotions in public.
Private Self-Awareness
This type of self-awareness is concerned with being aware of your internal state and reflecting on it. Simply put, it is the realization that only involves yourself. For example: feeling your stomach drop when you realize that you forgot that you had an assignment due the day of.
Private self-awareness does not involve any form of influence from the people around you and only occurs when you become conscious of your own private thoughts and emotions. This form of awareness takes place within your mind as an individual and is not dependent on your relationship to or interaction with others.
Benefits of Self-Awareness
Being self-aware has many proven benefits. Such benefits range from an overall sense of happiness to improved communication.
Without further adieu let's dive right in!
Better Decision Making
When you are self-aware you are better able to distinguish between short term impulses and long term values. Poor decision making is a result of uncertainty and undisciplined emotional responses.
Better Communication
Being self-aware will help you significantly with your communication by being able to express your needs with ease and set healthy boundaries. You will be more aware of your strengths, weaknesses and tendencies, thus your responses in various situations are less likely to reach an undesirable point because you are more conscious of the connection between your emotions and behaviour. It will also help you navigate through difficult situations whether it be in a romantic relationship, in the workplace, with friends and family, or in general.
Higher Levels of Happiness
Being self-aware means that you are aware of your alignment with your values and beliefs. You have a strong understanding of who you are and are therefore more confident in your abilities. With this understanding, you are more likely to lean into positive thinking, leading to higher levels of happiness.
Improved Critical Thinking
Self-awareness means being able to honestly reflect on yourself, without emotional bias, to analyze the situation objectively. Such assessments allow you to think critically and make better decisions. This trait amongst others also makes you a strong leader.
Calmer Moods
Anxiety is one of the most common mental illnesses in the world, affecting around 4% of the GLOBAL population. It is a normal reaction to stress but it can become overwhelming and cause a sense of fight or flight. When you are self-aware, you understand the relationship between your moods and thoughts which in turn makes it easier to regulate your mood and manage your emotions.
Self-Awareness Activity
In order to cultivate self-awareness you must understand how you react in specific scenarios. If your actions are not aligned with your values both internally and externally, it is important to gain insights into your thoughts, actions and emotions from your public and private self, to better understand why not.
This activity will help you gather feedback on your behaviour in a variety of situations. The information you gather will be very insightful and can be used to determine what areas you will need to work on.
To start the activity, think about certain scenarios that you wish to receive feedback on. For example:
how you accept feedback
how you react to opposing ideals
how you express a particular emotion
how you respond to conflict
or how well you are able to communicate your emotions.
Once you have thought of several scenarios, make two columns; Column A: How I see myself and Column B: What others think of me.
In Column A, write down a list of words that describe your attitudes and behaviours in each of the scenarios you wrote down.
In Column B, ask a friend or family member to write down words that describe your attitudes and behaviours in the same situation.
Once both columns are completed you will be able to review the results and determine what areas may need some work based on any insights you gain or discrepancies you notice.
5 Ways to Cultivate Self-Awareness
Now that you have a better understanding of self-awareness and the benefits, we can outline a few ways that will help you take the steps necessary to becoming a more self-aware person. There are many ways to become more self-aware but here are the most effective:
Practice Mindfulness and Meditation
Mindfulness is the practice of being present and paying attention to your mind, body, and your surroundings. Meditation refers to the practice of focusing on one thing such as your breathing, a feeling, or a mantra while letting your thoughts drift by. These two practices can help you identify your thoughts and feelings while helping you become more aware of your reactions in your internal state.
Journaling
Writing a daily journal will help you identify, clarify, and accept your thoughts and feelings while helping you keep track throughout the day. By keeping record you will be able to discover what does and does not work for you, what is important and not so important to you and finally what improvements you’ve made and patterns you’ve developed. Making these discoveries will help guide you and determine what changes need to be made to help you become more intentional and aware in your actions.
Make Time to Reflect
Set aside time every day to reflect and connect with yourself free of distractions. Take the time to understand the outcome of a particular reaction or the cause leading up to a certain emotion to outline where you met your standards, where you fell short, and what areas you think need improvement. So make sure to take some time every day to reflect via journaling, speaking out loud, or even sitting quietly and thinking; whatever method makes you feel the most comfortable.
Ask For Feedback
It is not always easy to accept constructive criticism but it is necessary for growth. Feedback from differing perspectives will help you understand where your shortcomings are and offer insight on what you need to pay attention to in order to increase your self-awareness. Ask several members of your family or friends for their honest opinion of you so that you are able to build a comprehensive view on your external self. Remember that your beliefs about yourself are most important, so rather than dwell on the negatives, carefully consider each response and reflect.
Practice Listening
Listening is key for good communication. It requires a great deal of practice and can be difficult to master, however when it comes to self-awareness this skill is extremely important. When you practice comprehensive listening (the practice of listening not only to the person you are interacting with - their words, tone and body language, you are also paying attention to your internal thoughts and emotions), you will listen to yourself to better understand what causes you to feel a particular emotion and why. You will be more in tune with your inner self, bringing you to a heightened sense of awareness. Once you are able to listen deeply to yourself, it will also increase your ability to understand others.
Becoming a more self-aware person cannot happen overnight. Think of it as a journey towards mastery, not necessarily towards a specific destination. It will offer many benefits including better decision making, better moods, higher levels of happiness, and better communication. With such benefits, the ability to cultivate this skill will require a lot of internal and external reflection by means of journaling, meditation, listening, and asking for feedback. The process will take time but nonetheless it can be done with a little elbow grease and determination!
I believe in you!
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